Does the reproach of “you are no longer the same, have you changed” ring a bell? It is usually heard when couples have been together for a long time. At some point, differences and discussions begin to arise as a result of problems that are not so recent.
At the beginning of relationships, many people tend to wear a blindfold. Falling in love blinds them, they want to show their best profile. For this reason, at the same time, they admit certain things, which over time, tire them.
For example, if I don’t like tobacco and hate it, but my partner smokes non-stop, I can bear it at first by justifying it with “I’m very in love.” However, in time, this will not be enough.
The reproach that was repressed at the time
Continuing with the example previously exposed, the reproach before this attitude that does not conform to what we want is repressed, kept deep within us.
However, all people have a limit and, when it comes, then criticism, judgments and arguments arise between the couple.
The other person will not understand why this is so upsetting to you now. Somehow, he will enter your game, affirming that he will quit smoking, although this moment will never come.
The reproach that was repressed at the time will become stronger and more powerful, a lethal weapon that will end, sooner or later, the relationship.
The passion will fade, there will be many uncomfortable silences, you will hate each other and all because you have not been sincere from the beginning.
However, you will not give up and you will continue in a dynamic of “you have to change for this to work because I am giving everything for this relationship”.
No one has changed, and no one will change
When we launch the reproach of “you are no longer the same, you have changed” we do not realize that the situation is the same as a few years ago.
However, we were so blind that we only saw what we wanted, while we pushed away the reality, the real one.
Nobody has changed. Your partner has not suddenly started smoking now, but is continuing to do so as before. However, who has changed then?
You have changed, you have modified the way you behave with your partner. Before you allowed everything and did not express what bothered or bothered you, but now you do.
Now you allow yourself to be you, but before you did not proceed like that.
However, we love ourselves so much and we see ourselves so perfect that we always think that it is the other who must change so that everything goes better.
Don’t we realize that we can’t change anything? Love is acceptance and, if we do not accept the other person as they are, then goodbye!
We cannot waste our energies for a lost cause.
Furthermore, we cannot turn around a relationship that with each repressed reproach we have allowed to follow a path with which we did not agree.
Learn from experience
When we are faced with the reproach of “you are no longer the same” it is important that we make a decision, of two possible ones:
- One is to continue as before and accept that our partner is as he is.
- The other is to break the relationship since we will not be able to change the other to our liking.
Whatever the decision, the important thing is to learn from this experience so as not to fall into the same trap as today, I put the blindfold on and if tomorrow I take it off and I don’t like what I see, I will change it.
We cannot change anyone, we cannot be in a relationship that is the result of expectations and dreams. Life is real, love is real, and we shouldn’t make a movie that will inevitably end badly.
It is important to open our eyes from the beginning to cancel any later reproach about the way of being or acting of our partner.
She has not changed, she is still the same. Will we accept her as she is without throwing anything in her face?