I Feel Distant From My Partner: What Do I Do?

“I feel distant from my partner, what can I do?” This, perhaps, is one of the most frequent concerns among those who have a relationship. Suddenly, the person changes, things are not as before and fear appears of a hypothetical breakup.  How to react in these cases?

Since there are many feelings involved, it is frequent that doubts and questions appear that do not always have an immediate answer. 

However, before starting hypotheses, it is a good idea to examine some of the possible causes for this

Let’s go deeper.

The bond of a couple

I feel distant from my partner despite the emotional bond.

According to this study by Dr. Ortega Rojas, the couple bond is one of the most important that people build throughout their lives. Therefore, a harmony must be established between the process of giving and receiving.

For love to work  , several components are needed that influence the well-being of the couple, and these revolve around mutual dedication and considering the needs of the other.

On the other hand, this research carried out by a team from the Santo Tomás University (Chile) tells us that to be happy in a relationship it is important to satisfy basic needs (food, money, clothing, etc.).

Shared entertainment activities and, of course, emotional satisfaction, intimacy, and social support are also important.

If these components fail, or if only one member of the couple complies, the relationship is prone to breakdown.

My partner is distant with me: possible reasons

While it is true that a change in attitude in a member of the couple can be taken as a sign that things are wrong, it is also true that other possible causes must be analyzed. Here are some of them.

A mature love is being forged

This can happen after the infatuation phase. When this stage is overcome, the relationship calms down and everything becomes more serene. This does not mean that love has ended, but that it has passed into a mature phase.

Your partner has had a loss

Any loss involves a grieving process. You may have lost a loved one, your job, or something else significant in your life, and you are in deep pain.

If this happens, it is normal for their attitude to change, only that the partner, being the closest person, is the one who usually perceives the changes first.  Try to give him all your love and understanding.

Feels under pressure

Either due to studies, work or the same pressures of living together as a couple. In these cases, stress takes over the person and its consequences can be terrible for the relationship.

If you think this is what is happening to them, talk to them and ask them to express themselves without fear. Together, you can establish guidelines for action and analyze how you can improve or what you should change.

Constant conflicts

In these scenarios, one of the two members may feel tired from so much unproductive fighting and choose to keep their distance.

If so, the couple will tend to move away from the sentimental point of view in order to avoid arguments.


I feel distant from my partner for infidelity.

This is another of the possible reasons why you might feel distant from the other, no matter how painful it is for you to admit it.

In some cases, the partner who is unfaithful changes schedules, routines or begins to hide some issues.

I feel distant from my partner: what do I do?

After analyzing these possible causes, if you have managed to identify any that could describe your case, it  will be time to move on to the next phase.

  • Talk to your partner: do it in an assertive way, trying to focus on the facts and not what you believe. Tell him about the specific actions you have observed and, without getting into controversy, ask him directly what has made him change his attitude.
  • Be patient:  avoid being harassed, either with constant messages, persecution or by invading the limits of your privacy. If you do this, you would be the one who would be engaging in pathological behavior or suffering from celotype.
  • Show empathy: if you have already talked and you have realized that your partner is going through a difficult time, put yourself in their place and show understanding.
  • Do not imitate their attitude: some people, when seeing their distant partner, also assume that attitude out of pride. However, this only worsens the picture. Instead, it is more convenient to create habits to improve the relationship.
  • Have self-esteem: in this it is important that you develop good self-esteem. Many times it also happens that everything is imaginary, that nothing happens, but fears develop due to the forms of attachment that one has. If so, you may want to seek psychological support to strengthen your areas of weakness.

    Love yourself and do not accept less than what you deserve

    When you are going through a bad streak in a relationship, the solution can only come from both of you. If you think that the love and support is one-sided and that the other does not correspond to you or make you happy, you should think of yourself first.

    If you have spoken with your partner, you have confessed your feelings to him and he continues doing the same, the best thing is to break up. It is much better that you are alone in bad company.

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