Anger is a human emotion that is as normal as it is everyday. It is common in adults, but especially in young children, when, for example, they still do not know how to manage aspects such as postponement of rewards.
We should not see this feeling as something purely negative. We all get angry, we all get angry at situations that we consider unfair, and this is also something healthy that allows us to react to what is not permissible, to what hurts us.
Now, anger must be something specific and limited in time. We must see it as a switch, something that is turned on in our brain to warn that an aspect of our environment worries us, and before which we must make a decision.
If we let this emotion control us, we will fall into the irrationality of anger, screaming and a reaction that we possibly regret. Let’s go deeper.
Knowing anger to respond better in our environment
One of the best specialists in the dimension of anger, rage and resistance is, without a doubt, Eckhart Tolle. This positivist psychologist and also representative of that more spiritual aspect of behavioral science gives us a very accurate vision of this psychological construct.
- Anger is a powerful and gripping negative emotion. That uncontrolled anger that runs rampant instantly floods our minds with negative thoughts.
- It is not us who reasons, it is not our balanced and logical part, but the most stark negative emotion.
- One aspect that we must take into account and that Eckhart Tolle points out to us is that, sometimes, we are angry about something, but we do not realize it. Soon, that feeling of negativity invades other areas of our life, to the point of being saturated by pessimism.
- Anger is also transmitted, it spreads like a suffocating energy that creates distances and discomfort between us. It’s not the right thing to do.
How to be aware of what we are generating
We will give you an example. Imagine you have a bad day at work. An office colleague creates a toxic environment by promoting damaging criticism and unfounded rumors. This bothers you.
- Our protagonist stores a large dose of anger, fatigue and negativity that we end up projecting at home and with our relatives. Any specific event causes us to react excessively.
- The first thing we must perceive is that internal emotionality, that discomfort and what this feeling is creating in our environment.
- A negative emotion creates not only negative thoughts, but also inappropriate behaviors. It is necessary to know how to see it, to know how to perceive that battle that is being waged within us.
How to act
We are already aware of what is happening to us and what we are causing around us. The focus of the problem is not at home; in fact, it is not at work either: it is in our mind.
- Sometimes it is impossible to change the behavior of a person or a group of people. In this case, that coworker is not going to change, his personality is like that and he always makes use of criticism and rumors.
- When it is impossible for us to change something negative in our environment, what we must do is vary the way it affects our emotions.
- It is not at all a matter of not giving it the importance it deserves or of pretending nothing is affecting us. It is about exercising “control.” Dominate negative emotions so that they do not dominate us and affect our life turning it into hell .
- What controls us makes us captives and impoverishes our quality of life. It is not appropriate, we must not allow it.
We must calm our anger, and with assertiveness, calm and balance, we will let that person know that their behavior is not appropriate. Just because you regulate your own emotions doesn’t mean you can’t act.
Once we make it clear to that specific focus that alters and angers us that their way of acting is not adequate, we will proceed to rationalize the negative emotions that may remain within us.
Positive thoughts that you should take advantage of
He repeats the following: “those criticisms do not go with me, because they do not define me. The offenses do not hurt me: I know who I am, I protect my self-esteem. “
What a specific person thinks of you is his opinion, his universe and his particular and limited sphere, but it is not your world nor does it define you. Therefore, proceed to defuse all anger and negative emotions. Break free.
Anger is appeased by being aware of that feeling, controlling it, and in turn managing it. Do not forget either that these types of strategies are also very suitable with children. The sooner they begin to understand their emotions, the better.