Dealing with a person who lies is never easy. You never know when to give credit to his words and when not to. Nor is it possible to give him confidence in any aspect.
The problem is that sometimes there is no alternative. For reasons of force majeure, dealing with that person is unavoidable.
Lies are like an emotional scam. They generate great discomfort, since the victim of them feels disappointed. Also manipulated. This is a lousy precedent for maintaining a bond with someone.
Some lie to pretend. Others because they are ashamed or afraid to show themselves as they are. There are also those who tell lies to profit from deception.
The reasons can be many, but none of them are valid. Dealing with a person who lies is difficult, but there are some keys to achieving it. Some are as follows.
Evidences, a way of treating a person who lies
Once it is detected that someone is lying regularly there are several ways. One of them is to withdraw from that person. However, that is not always possible. If it is a co-worker, our partner or a boss, many times there is no choice.
In any case, it is important to decide to confront the liar.
The best way to deal with a person who lies is by confronting them. This requires gathering evidence. Although it seems a bit exaggerated, it is good to take note of each of the lies that he tells. Find evidence of the falsehood and have all this close at hand. When a good deal of evidence has been gathered, it is time to move on to the next step.
Present the findings
Dealing with a person who lies requires tact. You can’t just bluntly show falsehoods. The result could be counterproductive.
- The best thing in these cases is to be prudent and understanding. Every human being deserves a second chance.
- It is appropriate to call that person into a private conversation. Then, in a calm tone, explain what has been observed. Make him notice that there are inconsistencies in what he says and reality and try to establish an effective communication process. This is suggested by this study carried out by the National University of the Altiplano (Peru), which emphasizes the importance of good interpersonal communications to create a satisfactory relationship with others.
- Do not try to judge him, but explain to him that the goal is to understand him. The situation should not lend itself to attacks, but to a mature conversation.
It is good to induce that person to explain their reasons. You never know. There are cynical liars, but there are also very tormented ones.
It may be a person who does not accept your truth because it is underestimated. It may be someone who enjoys deceiving others, or who suffers from some type of disorder … multiple causes, as this study carried out by the Federal University of Paraíba (Brazil) ensures. Whatever the case, it is important to invite him to justify his behavior.
Those of good character will use the occasion to apologize for lying. On the other hand, whoever seeks to do harm will deny all the evidence against him. He will try to keep lying.
Try a pact
It is important to make it clear that lies undermine trust. That should be told directly to the person who is lying. Express what are the consequences that their lies generate.
Tell you what it feels like to be cheated on by someone. Likewise, point out that trust is not so easily recovered.
What follows is to try a pact of sincerity from then on. The pact should not be expected to be 100 percent fulfilled. A liar doesn’t change overnight.
What is important is to verify that there is indeed the intention to fulfill it. We have to give time to the time.
Understand that no one can change anyone
When you face a lying person you take a big step. Whoever lies will realize that others notice it. You will understand that you may be able to cheat sometime, but that sooner or later you will be discovered.
This will cause you to reflect and, at best, you will try to change.
For those who confront, the situation is also positive. It is an act of sincerity, focused on seeking a common good. It will show that you are not being misled.
A liar will always be much more cautious and honest with someone who has confronted him.
In any case, it is important to be aware that no one can change anyone. In many cases, confrontation and good advice do not make the other person change. It is each one who decides how to act.
In fact, there are pathological liars who only manage to stop being so with professional help. Ultimately, you are only responsible for your own actions and not those of others.